You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
