I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
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