There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Randomize
