goodnight i made you a song goodbye
Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
Randomize
