she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
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