I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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