There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
Randomize
