I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
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