Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
There r osticjed everywhere
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
Randomize
