You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Randomize
