It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
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