youre lurking in front of me
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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