Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
Randomize
