whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
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