he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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