Screwed.edu
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
