She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
