you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
Randomize
