She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Randomize
