The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
Come share oat with me in your robe
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
