i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
