This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
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