dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
