can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
Enjoy the penises
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Randomize
