last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
I just found a bag of teeth...
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Randomize