I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
