Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
You were trust falling into bushes
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
Randomize