out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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