I didn't shave. On purpose
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Randomize
