and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
Let's paint friendship bongs
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize
