I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
