Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize