I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
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