Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
meet me or not, i'm out of control
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
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