You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
