I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
