with your own penis?
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
Randomize