well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Randomize
