I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
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