I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
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