I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
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