I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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