Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Randomize
