Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Randomize
