ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
