Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
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