I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
