I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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