Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Randomize
