my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
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