so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
You smell like a Billy Joel song
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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