I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Randomize
