You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
We need to rekindle our bromance
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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