two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize