I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
is it fun? or sober?
Randomize
