I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
Randomize