she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Randomize
