I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Randomize
