Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
