I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Randomize
