Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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