You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Randomize
