They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Randomize
