You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Randomize
