I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Randomize
