imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
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