Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
My bed smells like the plague
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
