so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
