508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
Randomize
