Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
