I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Randomize
