my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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