There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
