im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
Is it penis luge time yet?
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
That accounts for only three of the penises
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Randomize
