While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize