Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Randomize
