Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Randomize
