sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
