i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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