But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Randomize